I Not You

I Not You 

As I sit here and type, I let a small smile come to my lips
something that is very uncommon for me.
You will hardly see one on my face
they come when they want to
but hardly never.
That gets me to thinking
why don't I smile.

Is it because of my past
the hell I have been through to get this far
my random break up with people that never fully loved me
or is it because of my jaw surgery
I don't know,
I just am not the smile kind of gal.

I don't open up to many
why should I.
my past don't matter
sure, it made me what I am today
but it is my past.
The fuck ups, the break ups
the likes and dislike
a poof of smoke in my small art like hands
of mine.
Nothing can keep me down for long
I learned to handle my pain and sadness and mask it
into something better, different, real.

Why should I sit around and mope when a guy turns your down
or dumps you
or you missed your best friends leaving
it doesn't matter.

Where not going to live forever
you have to get out there and live your life
if you're happy with yourself
the past, the now, the future
is so much better.

Live for to day, die for tomorrow
and never ever stop loving the people
who want you in their lives
because in a blank of an eye
there gone
lost to us forever.

Boys come, girls go
break up suck
losing a friend is hard
but if you move on slowly carefully
you will see a new world full of adventure.
No, I am not a fake cuz I move on so fast
and I can say the oddest things
I am me and me alone
and I accept everything I do in my little life
with open arms.

eighteen, small town gal, blue eyes, blonde hair, boy crazy
and loving life. That is me!
Nothing left to see
this poem is so over
and you can judge me
but I will sit there and laugh cause you don't know me
like you think, you do
I talk the talk and walk the walk
and with my eyes, I see what I want to see
a world of endless possibilities.